Last week I re-connected with an old boyfriend. We talked about where we are now and reminisced about how much we loved each other. We talked about the joys as well as the challenges we faced when we were together and what it was like for each of us when our relationship ended. I shared how much I had blamed him for not being fully available and not loving me enough to choose to be with me exclusively.
When we came to the end of our visit, I thanked him for breaking things off because that event was truly a tipping point for me. In the aftermath of our break-up, it dawned on me that this notion of not being chosen was an old, familiar story – I had experienced it in previous relationships and I knew I needed to get to the bottom of it.
When I looked at my relationship life through the Freedom Zone inquiry process, quite a lot was revealed. I saw I had a lot of fears about relationships that stemmed from the I’m bad Imagined Truth belief I created as a little girl. The self-talk that accompanied this belief centered around questions like: When is he going to leave me? or When is this going to end? or How is this going to end? The emotional impact was I felt afraid, anxious and distrustful of my partner. So, whenever I entered a new relationship, those thoughts and feelings were in the background. And when a relationship ended that I’m bad belief was validated.
Since this pivotal break-up and my subsequent discovery about the atmosphere of thinking I brought to relationships, the belief is more like an echo from the past – an illusion – not my reality at all! I have been in other relationships and thoughts of being left have surfaced from time to time. But, just being aware that the source of this thinking is something I made up quiets the voices, allows me to be present and experience Freedom in the moment.
What stories do you tell yourself? We invite you to comment in the box below.